I lived with a mysterious mushroom-like thing in my rectum for years, which prolapsed every single time I needed to go to the bathroom (No. 2).
As soon as it stuck its ugly little head outside, it hurt like someone thrusted a glass shard up there, and pushing it back was even worse. The mushroom hurt all the time, especially during bowel movements (which I very often have, due to IBS). Running to the restrooms during meetings, before or after class, or in restaurants was a constant in my life. (Almost fainting as well.)
Another unpleasant complication was soiling.
As someone with IBS, I developed hemorrhoids — spending half the time on a toilet bowl is not very good for your rectal health — and the combination with the mushroom proved to be quite hard to get clean after No. 2. Hemorrhoids without additional mushrooms already can be quite challenging due to the very structure of the inflamed veins: some poop often succeeds in hiding between the grooves, and there you go.
The mushroom made it much more messy and painful though, and as it sometimes spontaneously popped out on a bad hair day, you might not be surprised about the soiling. Anyways.
After a decade of pain, the mushroom was surgically removed, and it turned out to be a pre-cancerous necrotic stalked black-ish polyp, 4 inches tall and even uglier than I had even imagined. The pain was totally gone though, and this new pain-free life almost felt like a new life — as if there was an era before the surgery, and an era afterwards.
As a bonus, the surgeon also greatly improved my “hemorrhoid condition” so that No. 2 became less bloody and eventful than it used to be. Since that day, I can do No. 2 without any pain, nor any extra poo, and even much more importantly: with a grateful smile —
So much is really true.