How dangerous is Steven Seagal?

Extremely dangerous. I was sunbathing on a Florida beach one day when Steven Seagal tripped and fell on top of me, crushing my sternum. I survived by a miracle. I wanted to sue, but my lawyer convinced me that Seagal had good connections in the current administration and it wouldn’t do any good. There were precedents: in 2005, Arnold Schwarzenegger stepped on a crane operator, breaking several bones. He, too, had connections in high places. But you see how things turn out: Charlize Theron, on the other hand, tripped and fell on a guy from Cleveland, and the man declared it the most wonderful experience of his life.