Such simple words, but they broke my heart. I am tearing up right now as I see them 5 years later.
My youngest son Colin has always been the most happy go lucky person I know. Nothing seems to get him down. He has always been small for his age and yet, he is beyond bullies. A quick little story about that, one of many.
When Colin was about 6 years old we went to the park. There was a bigger kid, probably 8 or 9, standing by the jungle gym. I watched Colin head towards the gym and the bigger kid stepped in his way. Every other kid on the playground had already been redirected and were playing elsewhere. Colin stood and looked up at the boy and I saw the boy pointing for him to go somewhere else. Colin just stood there and stared. The boy turned moved back towards the gym a bit and Colin started moving towards the gym. The bully again stood in his way. This went on for 5 minutes before I see the boy give Colin a ‘guard duty’ job at the base of the gym.
When Colin was born he had a heart murmur, which cleared up.
When Colin was 3 his tonsils were swollen so large his throat was reduced to the size of a quarter. He had a tonsillectomy.
When Colin was 7 he developed Type 1 Diabetes. He never cried. We cried, privately. His doctors kept telling him it was ok to cry and he never saw the need. When his cousin asked him if he liked insulin shots because he never complained about them he said, very matter of factly, “no, I have to live.” And so began the quarterly trips to the endocrinologist.
When Colin was 8 he had a seizure. We wound up taking him for EEGs and found out he has a form of Epilepsy. He didn’t cry, but he looked perturbed. He started on medication and it was effective. He was told he could outgrow it when he hit puberty. Every 6 months we went to the neurologist and had another EEG, he only had one other seizure and that was my fault because I forgot his medication. So his lack of seizures was giving the doctors hope that he was outgrowing it, but every time we went it was the same news: still abnormal.
A few years pass and we have been to so many doctors for so many things. There is a scheduled EEG on this day and we are about to head out the door. My wife and I are excited to go because he hasn’t had a seizure in 2 years and he is starting puberty so maybe this will be the EEG that shows he has outgrown the Epilepsy.
My wife smiles at him and says to this child, who has never once in his life been to a doctor and gotten positive news, who has never once cried or been remotely negative about it all, she says to him excitedly, “The doctor says if this EEG is better you can get off the meds,” and Colin quietly replies, “It won’t be.”
I had to hide my face.
To this day, that is the only negative comment he has ever uttered about his health problems. And it kills me today just to think about it.
Just to note, that EEG was not normal, but 2 years later he was removed from meds despite abnormal EEGs. He has not had a seizure in 5 years now and at almost 15 he has probably outgrown it. He is still small (But growing) for his age as a freshman in High School, and by no means a macho guy. In fact, he believes he is gay and that was no surprise to me, but he is the strongest person I have ever known, and my personal hero, because for all the petty nonsense I get upset about on a regular basis nothing compares to what he has been through, and yet all he does is smile and move on. We could all learn a little something from people like him.