My big brother died in 2013. He was well-liked in the small community we grew up in. He never left , while most the rest of us moved away. He was a Wildland firefighter , and was full of passion for that job, his life , and his 3 beautiful children. After going through the motions and greeting the many people that came to pay their respects, I found myself wishing people would just stop saying things to me. Some people (and I understand this , it was just repetitive and started feeling like everyone was a robot -not personal at all really) just said the stupidest things.
I’m sure they just didn’t know what to say – but I appreciated everyone just being there for us. The hardest day for me was returning to Nevada-so far away from him and The comfort of our family and friends. In Nevada , nobody knew my brother. I felt so lonely and sad. My husband (who is now EX-husband) had no comprehension of the pain I was feeling. How grief can strike at any moment. About two weeks after getting back, We were driving to pick up lunch-And a random moment of sheer devastation hit , and I was crying in the car. Silently, just staring out the window, tears rolling down my cheeks. He pulled over and yelled at me to get out of the car. The words that I will never forget “Yeah. Your brother died. Get over it already!! And if you can’t quit with this emotional b.s. , get out of the car !” I was so flabbergasted- shocked-and it took the entire walk home for me to realize my “husband “ didn’t care about me one bit. Such a sad story.
Less than a year later we were divorced, and the day it happened I felt a relief – a burden lifted off my shoulders. And shortly thereafter I found myself , late one night, all alone-finally allowing myself to feel what I was feeling and only then did I begin to heal.
This was my big brother ❤️ I miss him so much.
This is right after his beautiful baby girl was born. He was so happy and proud. It was extra special , as they shared the same birthday. Today , she remains one of my very favorite people In the whole entire world. She has many of his characteristics and looks so much like him it hurts sometimes.