My parents were both starting to fail. We found them an apartment in an assisted-living facility within walking distance of our house. Mom had medium Alzheimers, Dad was sharp but had end-stage heart disease.
For six weeks we chased around, hitting nice restaurants and a museum or two, Dad in his wheelchair. One evening we took them to a very expensive place where Dad ordered the Seafood Masterpiece and ate it all. It was a budget buster, but we didn’t care.
Dad died the next week.
Mom couldn’t stay in the apartment alone. She still looked great and dressed beautifully and looked nothing like a patient. She’d started to buzz by the front desk and go for long walks, invariably getting lost.
I went looking for memory care and zeroed in on a beautiful church-affiliated place with a great reputation.
Here comes the mistake.
I went to tour the place — cottages with private rooms and a gorgeous huge yard, discreetly fenced and with key-code gates for safety.
Early in the tour we were joined by an older staff member, who walked with us, greeting residents, and pointing out objects of interest. I was curious.
I asked her name (no name tag) and what her job was. She said she was Helen, and with a lovely smile added that she was “the understander.”
I assumed she was some kind of therapist, and had chosen a sweet way to describe her role. Delightful.
After the tour, in the director’s office, I commented on how nice it was to meet Helen, and how pleased I was there was a therapist on staff.
The director grinned and said Helen wasn’t staff, but a patient, a former clinical social worker, and that Helen was having a very good day.
Mom moved in, and lived there in dignity and comfort until a brief pneumonia took her four years later.
She and Helen had become friends, and I was always glad I’d mistaken Helen for a care-giver, because in real sense, that’s exactly what she was.
PS: I’m a little worried I’ve told this story on Quora before, but I blame Quora for not having a better search function rather than my own failing memory.
This photo is from the evening of the Seafood Masterpiece dinner.