When I was nine years old, I got this super cool rubber bouncing ball. A Superball, they called it.
Clear, with glitter inside and a bit of some phosphorescent chemical so it glowed faintly in the dark.
It was awesome to take it outside and spike it into the street as hard as I possibly could.
The problem was, it didn’t bounce in a predictable way, so once I spiked the ball, I got to chase it.
I soon tired of the chase, but got the brilliant idea that it would be fun to spike into the bathtub/enclosed shower in one of the bathrooms in my house.
This was fun! The ball ricocheted all over the place, bouncing off the tub, the ceiling, and the doors of the shower.
But soon the thrill of this attenuated as well. Then I had an idea…
I went and got a short step ladder so I could perch on the top of the shower enclosure. This allowed me to throw the ball with even more force and the bouncing fun continued.
Then I realized that it would be even better with the lights off.
First, I held the ball to a light for several minutes to maximize the glowing effect. Then I switched off the lights, climbed the ladder, and let loose the ball into the shower with every ounce of my nine-year-old strength.
Remember when I said the ball was unpredictable?
This time its trajectory was exactly the opposite of my throw. The ball shot off the porcelain tub and connected directly with my eye.
Of course, this caused me to fall from the ladder and I came down on top of the chrome header that was supporting the glass shower wall. It didn’t like the impact of my body any more than my eye liked being smacked with the ball, and it shattered with a huge crash.
Me, the ball, the ladder, and about a million pieces of safety glass ended up in a heap in the tub.
Luckily, I wasn’t seriously injured, but I realized I’d made a mistake. Safety goggles. I should have worn safety goggles!
And now, whether it’s using a chainsaw or hucking a super ball into someone’s porcelain fixtures, I’m sure to be sporting a pair.